Thank God For ‘F’

The letter 'F' was not working on my keyboard for a couple of days. Today, as I was replying to a Manhunt ad it miraculously came back. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I did not get the trick.

Not having an 'F' presented certain orthographical challenges. I will share a few. These are some of my comments in a series of emails to a friend in Miami:

Regarding a website dedicated to St. Sebastian in art:
You should see some uv the 20th century stuphph.

Signing off:
Time phor my sitcom commitment, "Big Bang Theory."

Regarding someone who took photos of me for my unsuccessful attempts to snag a husband online:
I had some guy on craig's list do pics uv me.
He ran a whorehouse in Pht. Lauderdale.
I had a lengthy conversation with the young lady on duty… She was quite delighphtul, iph mercenary.

Here’s a fictional entry:
Is that a staph inphection or are you just glad to see me?

About the only alternate spelling that makes sense is ‘uv’ for ‘of.’ Since 1st grade, I’ve never understood that spelling, but Sister Louise would have smacked my palm with a ruler if I didn’t spell it right. Thank God 'F' is back.